2023 reflections

 I've lost count at how many times I've tried to write a post. Most of my writing over this past year has been for me and as well as all my essays for school.



2023 was a big year of learning, 

Moving cities (and islands) away from my the majority of my support system.

On-going grief of my sister and niece being gone.

Relationship breakdowns.

More loss, 

The hopes I had in my church flat that ended abruptly, through no fault of my own and seeing people choose self protection, defensiveness and avoidance over freedom, reality and love. (Community needs commitment to open and honest communication and conversations, this is something I'm deeply grateful to have experienced through my time in Blueprint)

Hard conversations that only paid off some of the time. 

Digging so deep into my trauma that I hadn't been able to face and becoming pretty unwell that it felt so hopless and never ending. (Grateful for ACC counselling)

And ending the year pretty unwell with Covid, on stress leave from summer school


But what it also had was joy I've never experienced.

Happiness.

Depth of relationship, 

A deep gratitude at being an enneagram 8 (IYKYK)

Rebuilding friendship after being distanced and becoming healthy and sober.

First year away from rehab and I'm still clean and sober. (Almost 5 years sober!)

Freedom in recovery, including a new freedom with food.

Restoring and healing of previously painful spaces in community, church and school.

Experiencing an Incredible sense of community through both my church, All Saints and through my school, Laidlaw College.

A freaking scholarship for my studies.

Some legend flatmates 

Making some of the most incredible friends as well as learning that distance doesn't change how much you love and are loved by for now distance relationships. 

A stable, safe place to live that is my home. 

Being seen and known deeply and knowing others in this same way.

Getting mostly A- in my studies. (If I can study anyone literally can)

My incredible counsellor who is always for me. 

Normalcy in things like gardening, cooking and cleaning, looking after a home, having BBQ with friends, quality time with those you love and care about.

Being chosen to travel overseas to Fiji for the first time ever with my beloved Anglican Whānau.


Being loved unconditionally.


And a God that has never left me, continues to lead me into deeper healing and wholeness and a hope that even though life can be pretty shit He is still good. 



Thank you for being here on this journey with me.  


I'm almost 5 years clean and sober, and I'm living life. 


Thanks be to God!


Stay tuned for more detailed blogs and external processing!

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