Reflection

 


I recently watched a member of a famous christian band announce the death of his brother and fellow band member, and it was framed as this joyful moment of where there loved one has gone to be with Jesus and I felt so annoyed by this because this man was clearly sad, yet he just so wanted to be happy his brother has gone to be with Jesus.

This is the type of Christianity I struggle with.

And I think we would like to believe we would be happy our loved one has gone to be with Jesus, but if we refuse to acknowledge the pain of there passing personally to me it invalidates my love for them and It doesn't honor the one who created me with all my feelings and emotions.

And I think as a Christian culture we are far to quick to shove our 'negative' feelings out the door.
Jesus is our perfect example of one who embraced his emotions, yet didn't drown in them. This is my challenge I'm trying to learn.
It can feel like we will drown in pain when we invite sadness, hopelessness and despair yet God promises us he is present in the pain.

I've experienced this when I watched my niece, Katherine go from a beautiful young 10 year old to in the space of 5 week be diagnosed with cancer and subsequently catch an infection that her wee body couldn't fight and then pass away.

 God was so present in my pain, through his peace that passes all understanding and through his people, my friends, aunty and other Christians who held me in prayer and hope for this situation.

I still battle daily as to why if the power that raised Jesus from the dead that lives in us, why was she not healed?
That's somthing I daily need to hand back to God as this 'I don't know why, and I hate it but I'm chosing to trust you' moment of honoring my pain and trusting God.
I wish it wasn't this way.

Tomorrow is my birthday, and 6 days later will be the one year anniversary of my sister passing away from cancer. I look back on the last year and I just wish I could of known she wouldn't be here for much longer.

I'm not going to get my phone call from her that I get every year
'Hey little sis, your getting older, happy birthday'
Last year even 6 days out from passing away she still took the time to get me a present and call me.
This is my sister who I just wish I could spend more time with.
And the hope she's with Jesus, right now doesn't help me. Maybe other people but not me, because I'm selfish and I want my sister and my wee niece back.

 I am glad though that they aren't suffering anymore.

And I look back over these past few years and I can see God and his peace in my life, I guess it's in those wilderness moments that are the really hard ones. Where the loneliness and despair and grief feel too much.
It's in these times I'm growing my ability to honor my feelings.
It's in these moments I don't try to tell myself oh they are with Jesus I should rejoice in that, and I sit and feel the pain and then it rolls on through and I'm able to be present, connected to God because in my honoring my pain and feelings, I'm honoring the one who made me, made these feelings, knows what I'm going through.

Created me perfect in his image.

And then I'm able to sit in a place of gratitude, knowing they are safe with Jesus.

This is the best birthday present anyone could ask for. 

Comments

  1. Brass BaboonFebruary 23, 2022 at 2:16 PM

    These are powerfully honest thoughts. Keep wrestling friend!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LynleyFebruary 23, 2022 at 4:09 PM

    Thanks for sharing your processing Aleisha, it's helpful, and Happy Birthday. I hope there is some cricket on for you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownFebruary 24, 2022 at 2:32 PM

    So powerful friend ❤❤❤

    ReplyDelete

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