Luke 8:39

  I recently watched a member of a famous christian band announce the death of his brother and fellow band member, and it was framed as this joyful moment of where there loved one has gone to be with Jesus and I felt so annoyed by this because this man was clearly sad, yet he just so wanted to be happy his brother has gone to be with Jesus. This is the type of Christianity I struggle with. And I think we would like to believe we would be happy our loved one has gone to be with Jesus, but if we refuse to acknowledge the pain of there passing personally to me it invalidates my love for them and It doesn't honor the one who created me with all my feelings and emotions. And I think as a Christian culture we are far to quick to shove our 'negative' feelings out the door. Jesus is our perfect example of one who embraced his emotions, yet didn't drown in them. This is my challenge I'm trying to learn. It can feel like we will drown in pain when we invite sadness, hope...

 These last few days I’ve been so swamped with emotions. Mostly anger at God around my sister and niece no longer being here. The thing is though, I haven’t been expressing it to God. And it’s because anger has caused me so much damage in my past. I can’t trust my anger. Today I watched episode 4 of season 2 of the chosen where Jesus meets the man who has been sick for 37 years at the pool of Bethesda.  Do you want to get well? What a fucken stupid question?  I’m living in a rehab that I spent almost 18 months in and I’m here living and breathing recovery for you to ask me do I want to get well?  What more do you want me to be doing? I realise that I’m the man at the pool. And that my recovery has become a doing rather then a living.  And I find myself once again getting so angry at the pain and suffering I’m living in. The injustices of my life, of my family and my friends lives. I want my pain and suffering to push me into the arms of Jesus. Except it leaves m...